01 Mar Serving Versus Pleasing
I recently had the opportunity to listen to a life-shifting recording by the world-famous success coach and published author, Steve Chandler, about the distinction of “Serving Versus Pleasing.” Chandler explains that we are programmed from a very young age to please our care-givers. Parents use language that creates this dynamic with words such as: “I am proud of you”, “You make me happy” and many other pleaser-evoking phrases that support the desire of the child to please caregivers from a very young age. This becomes encoded into our personality as a necessary survival tool.
The distinction of pleasing versus serving has really rocked my world. I have become increasingly aware of how the dynamic of people-pleasing has shown up in my life, like an annoying solicitor at the door of my consciousness who will not stop knocking. Pleasing is an act that demeans relationships on both ends. As soon as I show up in the energy of pleasing, I show up inauthentically.
To consciously integrate the energy of serving into my retreats is such a gift. It defines the integrity of my brand, and the idea of awakening into one’s authentic self. There is no room for people-pleasing in the Diva life! A Diva makes self-honoring choices that are in alignment with her highest good. This means coming from a place of truth, honesty and integrity in conversation and helping women to transform their lives through serving them, not pleasing them.
My husband and I are consciously working to create a relationship with our three daughters that is based on their authentic desires and needs; not shaping them to fit our desires and needs. This has been so helpful to me as a mother who wants her daughters to be seen, heard and acknowledged for being themselves; not a version of themselves that fits other’s criteria. It is a work in progress. There are times I still find myself saying to my daughters, “You make me so happy!” I think the better version of this loving remark is to state,”I love you for who you are and for being uniquely you.” Isn’t this what we all want to hear?